One Year Ago

We have come a long way from one year ago. I am not even sure what it is that I want to write, but I feel I should write something. I have been thinking about last year at this time for the last several days. One year ago today I entered into motherhood—a busy, giving, crazy, caring, selfless sorority. Xavier has moved through so many stages so quickly I don’t even know where the time went. –and at the same time I guess that is good. I mean, each stage is intense in its own ways. I guess it is good that they come and go with relative speed. But at the same time I can’t believe that the tiny baby curled up on my lap in a ball is now nearly running down the street and spoon-feeding himself yogurt and applesauce. Wow. Time has flown!

Spencer and I have changed a lot as people too. I can’t really go into all the ways—I still have mommy brain and can’t think of them all right now, but I know that I have. I am a better person now, that I know.

Reflecting back on how we choose to give birth and how we are raising him, I am still happy with our choices. We had a birth center birth—completely unmedicated. I know at the time I was rethinking the decision. I mean, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Afterward I wondered a few times if I was just doing things the hard way. We also co-sleep, which has its pros and cons and is a bit controversial in pediatric circles. Overall, however, I am happy with the choices we have made so far. Strangers and friends often comment on Xavier’s cheery disposition and temperament. I love this! I realize that part of it is just his personality, but I do think that it also has to do with the way we gave birth to him, and the way we respond and listen to him throughout the day and the way we parent at night. I realize that his second year of life will bring joys and challenges we haven’t seen yet, but we plan to approach these stages the same way—lovingly.

Today I read something interesting on the AnthroGrad listserve that I want to check more into. It was a website for a non-profit called “birthingthefuture.org”. This organization seems to link gentile birthing with the creation of a non-violent world. I really like that! This is the poem at the beginning of the site:

A Handful of Hope

If we hope to create
a non-violent world
where respect and kindness
replace fear and hatred

We must begin
with how we treat each other
at the beginning of life.

For that is where
our deepest patterns are set.

From these roots
grow fear and alienation
~or love and trust.

Poem by Suzanne Arms

I just really love it. I really want the world to be at peace. I really believe that it can be. I want to have a hand in helping the world get there. Raising babies this way is not the easiest, and sometimes I do think it is the hard way—at least in the immediate term—but I truly feel that it does make a difference. I want my house to be so peaceful, so tranquil, that it will be a haven for me and my family and all who enter.

Sigh... I bet get to bed. I have a lot of work to do!

A Couple of Videos

Yesterday and today we captured a few very short videos of Xavier that I just love. They showcase three of the zillions of reasons I just LOVE this kid!

He knows what he wants:



His Laugh:



His overall silliness!:

Upward Mobility

Xavier has been getting much more proficient at walking over the last two days. It started yesterday evening. We all went out to celebrate Xavier's mobile achievements with a little ice cream from Giffords (Xavier has a banana I brought along). Spencer and I sat outside on an artsy slab of granite, warm from the heat of the afternoon, and watched Xavier play in the fountains located just outside of Giffords, near Clyde's. (The same fountains as in this picture taken today). It was so cute. Xavier just kneeled near the fountains for the longest time watching two other children play. Then, he began to play in the water himself. He alternated between crawling and standing. He loved just putting his hands in water spray and getting wet on such a warm evening. Then, he started to walk around. It was so adorable to watch. He was shaky, as was to be expected, yet so determined. He fell over a couple times, but managed to catch himself, all but once, before he hit his head on the unforgiving stone. Spencer took his hand and followed him around the area as the night drew more dim. Xavier seemed so compelled to keep going, keep walking, keep moving. He didn't even want to hold Spencer's hand all of the time; he wanted to be independent exercising his new strides. It was so sweet to see Spencer and Xavier just playing and walking together. It was a tender time they shared together--just loving being together, just loving each other.

As summer draws to a close, forced by the starting of school, I am a little sad because I know that with his school- and work- load, Spencer and Xavier won't get to spend as many tender moments together.

But oh! I should be thrilled! I have a wonderful husband who works to keep us out of poverty. He works so that I can be home with Xavier. He goes to one of the best schools with a top-rated program so that he can increase his skills and career potential. He does all of this for our whole family. I am so blessed; I know this. Yet, my heart yearns for more of his time. More moments like last night. More chances to see my two boys hand in hand.