Five years ago, I read Amanda Palmer's memoir, The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worry and Let People Help. Suffice it to say, while we have walked some of the same streets in Cambridge, MA and are both singers, Amanda and I have very different personalities and life paths. She pursued a life of artistic expression, beginning as a street performer - and not even something as conventional as a musician busking for cash, but rather a bride statute who gave out flowers. Her income from that endeavor was rather unguaranteed, to say the least. I, on the other hand, picked the security of a government job with a steady paycheck, health insurance and a retirement plan.
As the sixth of seven kids, I have sought from a young age to be responsible and self-reliant. How else could I ensure getting what I wanted? You figure it out on your own (as best you can) and you do it yourself (as best you can).
And all told, that ethos has served me well in many ways. Of course, the truth is that I have received help from many people along the way, which I was happy to accept when they were generous enough to offer it. But just like with proposing marriage, I was not someone to ask unless I was pretty confident that I already knew the answer would be yes. (And even then, I still might hesitate...)
But as an adult, I've had to come to the realization that, while I am someone who enjoys being able to say yes to others and offer assistance or guidance, I don't trust that others are similarly disposed (despite ample evidence to the contrary). Or perhaps, it's too much of a blow to the self-made ego to admit to others that I may not know best or have all the capabilities I thought or wished I had. The last thing I want is to be needy.
Watching Amanda's TED talk and later reading her book helped me gain a different perspective: Asking is not the same as begging. It's an invitation to collaborate. To make an exchange. To do something bigger than is possible alone.
Looking back, I have to conclude that even in the big things I've tried to do in life, I've played too small because of reticence to ask and truly collaborate with and trust others. Whatever impact I've had in areas that I care deeply about (leading my Cub Scouts, PTA, church, neighborhood association, advocacy efforts, etc.) has fallen well short of its potential because I've failed to adequately invite others to be part of our collective success.
I'd love to say that the book transformed not only my outlook but my actions as well, but like any muscle, asking takes practice and repetition to develop.
When Cherry and I signed up to do the Globalbike Connect trip, it was tempting to take the "easy" way out of the $3,000 fundraising commitment: quietly put our noses to the grindstone and figure out how we could work harder and save more in order to just pay the amount ourselves. But I didn't want to do that. The spirit of the effort was about connection. The entire ethos of Globalbike is about partnership and building solutions to improve lives via collaboration.
So we took a leap of faith and decided to share with family and friends, trusting others enough to let them help. And curiously enough, when we told people about our plans for this trip and a bit about why Globalbike's work mattered to us, the response was overwhelmingly positive. People wanted to help!
Even so, we were slow to keep asking and following up until the deadline was fast approaching. I was still too concerned about ensuring I asked in the "right" way, when the most important thing was really just asking at all.
But when we finally did, you came through. And in a BIG way. With the help of 43 donors, together we raised $3,837.21 for Globalbike, exceeding our goal by 27%. Most of you were family and friends, but we also had donors who were friends of friends or who wished to remain anonymous.
With all our preparations to leave we haven't yet had the chance to send individual thank you's to everyone, but before it gets too late, I want to express my enormous gratitude to each person who sent gifts whether large and modest, or even a note saying that while they couldn't donate they believed in and supported us.
We value and appreciate you all. I'm not going to lie: I cried, literally overwhelmed when enough donations came in to get us over the finish line... and then continued beyond it. I don't know that I've ever felt so lifted up, so valued and so trusted.
So thank you! Thank you. Thank you.
And I will keep my promise to continue sharing our journey here in Tanzania with you. Even if it means I'm a little later getting to bed then I would like to while I write this update, because it's important to share.
In the morning, we finally set off on our first day of biking. But as I go to sleep I am remembering that Amanda was right in observing that relationships are nurtured and deepened by mutual giving. I'm glad to be in relationship with you, and that we've chosen to go on this journey together.
Asante Sana!
-Spencer