Lemons and Lemonade

 

This is not a post about my travels during my two score road trip, but rather a reflection on life that came during my time hiking in Hot Springs National Park and I want to share it here for anyone who may be interested. 

 

Many of you know that I snapped my pelvis in December of 2014. It was very very painful and a very very slow and not very steady recovery. So slow that it is difficult to see progress even one month to the next. It seems to be three steps forward two steps back often. Or even five steps forward four steps back. Being told to avoid sitting, standing and walking, the set backs are very discouraging, and dehumanizing.

The best way I found to measure progress was to look from year to year. When I get impatient with my lack of ability, I remind myself to look back at a year ago and think about what I was doing then. After thinking about it, I would realize, “hey, I am doing so much more now than I was last year”. So, as I am nearing my birthday in a few days and was out on this very quiet trail (I only hear bird calls, no human calls), I wanted to think about what I was doing for my birthday last year. Last year, I drove to Sugarloaf Mountain and I hiked by myself a very long hike, for me. I took it slowly. I stopped and rested as I needed. I sweat a lot and I journaled. And most of all, I was so proud of what I was able to accomplish. That was the most hiking I had been able to do up until that point.

So, looking to today, I again was hiking a mountain called Sugarloaf. (funny, right?). Though this one is in Arkansas in Hot Springs National Park. I choose to do a longer route then I would have previously. It was unsteady. It had ups and downs and steep parts and flat parts and I did okay. The picture at the top of this post was from the top of Goat Rock. I never would have been able to climb those steps a few years ago. Maybe not even last year. definitely not the year before that. I know looking back over the past year, this is the year that I feel that I'm finally back to a "normal" functioning level physically. I am able to do most of the things that I want to do. I still have to be careful; I still have to watch the amount that I do. For example, I just did a big hike today and won't be able to repeat it for a few days. I can't carry too many heavy things and I can't do too many hikes all together, but I can do a big hike, and as long as I space out my physical activity, I am okay. This year I feel like I have thrived. I couldn't be more happy. 

I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge my support team in this whole recovery process. There is my team of medical professionals--my physical therapist and my chiropractor as well as my acupuncturist. Early on I had nieces come and help me with my 3 little kids, including a new born. And most of all, my loving husband, who has supported me, and cared for me both mentally and emotionally and physically through this whole process and I know that he will continue to support me for the rest of our lives. I cannot thank him enough. And of course, myself, it's been a struggle for sure and there were a lot of dark days mentally and emotionally. but looking back at things now I know that I am emotionally better from this. And I know that Spencer and I have a better relationship because of it. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Sweet-Apple Pie

What a day!

Little baby Clark, whom I like to call Sweet-Apple Baby Pie, came rushing into the world with no time to spare! I awoke around 5 am to use the bathroom. I laid back down and just laid awake thinking about whatever. I couldn’t fall back asleep very quickly. At 5:45 am, I got my phone out and read and responded to a message from my sister, Tennille. I noted that my abdomen felt a little sore. 

Thinking that I was hungry, and not falling back asleep, I might as well get up and get some breakfast. I got up and went down stairs. I was in no hurry. I made myself a bean, egg and cheese burrito and sat down in the dining room and ate it. I still felt wide awake, so I got out some fabric and the pattern Emily Hoem had helped me tweak the night before, laid it out and contemplated cutting it. 

Meanwhile, I had noted that I had started to feel contractions, though very lightly, every time I stood up to get something. Many of the contractions I had had over the last 3 months were infinitely stronger than these, so I couldn’t imagine they were actually early labor—even though they seemed to be somewhat regular. I decided, just out of curiosity, to track them on an online tracker while I was working on my sewing. I started timing them at 6:17 am, but again, they were minor, so I didn’t think that much of the first couple. I did, however, think about calling the midwives at the Birth Center, however, I know they like you to have regular contractions for an hour.  By the time I thought to call them, it had only been 15 minutes of regular, light contractions and it was in the 6 am hour. I didn’t want to wake anyone unnecessarily and have them tell me to call back in an hour, so, I decided not to call. 

Back to sewing… I couldn’t quite decide how I wanted to cut out the fabric without checking measurements on Xavier first. On one hand, I said, “Oh! Just cut it. If it doesn’t come out perfectly, I will blame it on being in labor (I think). On the other hand, I didn’t want to screw it up.

I kept thinking Spencer would awake soon to go to work. I wanted him to get up at this point, but he wasn’t. As I had had a couple stronger contractions I debated about waking him up. I decided to head up the stairs to wake him, but knew that contractions seemed much stronger if I was moving, then if I was just sitting still. So, I decided to just go as fast as I could, and let him take care of calling the birth center. When reaching the top of the stairs I felt a strong contraction coming on; I made it to the door way and held myself up in it. It was the strongest contraction yet. I tapped lightly on the door through the whole thing, though Spencer never awoke. After the contraction finished, I came into the room and said firmly, “Spencer! It’s time to get up! We are going to have a baby today.” 

I had a contraction at the bedside and used the mantra, “My body is so powerful! My body is so powerful!”. I had another contraction on the toilet and thought to myself, “I should weigh myself.” Then I had another contraction on the rocking chair (that was so painful, I couldn’t stay there). Meanwhile, Spencer put Hypnobabies, “Birthday Day affirmations” on on his iPOD and put the headphones on me. I laid on the floor (because the bed was covered in birth center bag stuff). I had 2 more contractions. I laid there thinking, “wow. This is intense so quickly. I don’t know that I can do several more hours of this. I think I am going to throw up. I don’t know that I want to OPEN, we aren’t at the birth center yet.” I stroked the carpet gently through each of the 2 contractions as well as blowing through my lips. I felt like a bird making low chirping sounds. Clementine hung her head over the edge of our bed, and watched me labor with an intrigued smile on her face. 

After these two contractions I knew I had to get to the bathroom. I had to go! Spencer helped me up and get to the bathroom. I sat down. This is where I was the most comfortable. He told me he was going to the car to switch out the car seats and get Emily from downstairs. I knew it needed to be done, and was fine with it, but as he turned to leave and them looked back at me I said in desperation, “Please don’t leave me.”

He came back and held me with one arm while he held Clementine on his hip with the other (I think?) while I had another contraction. This one thundered through my body with such force, I could not stop from pushing. I stood up from the toilet, leaning back a little, and exclaimed, “I can’t stop pushing! I can’t stop pushing!” It was a huge push that lasted the length of the contraction. I was a bit in disbelief that I could actually be ready to push. I felt down for the baby, but didn’t really know. I expected Spencer to look and say all was fine, we will get into the car and all will be fine. –But that was not the conversation. Spencer looked down and then back at me with soothing, confident, direct eye contact and said, “We are going to have this baby here. Everything will be fine.” I didn’t have time to fear. I pushed again and out came the head, and another quick push helped the rest of the baby slide out into Spencer’s hands and right onto my chest.

Spencer was instructed by the mid-wives at Special Beginnings to find a string to tie off the umbilical cord and call 911 to transport us to the hospital to check that all is okay with baby and me.  Spencer called the paramedics and while he was on the phone with them, I delivered the placenta. I cuddled Sweet Apple to my body with a towel over his back to keep him warm. He cried and cried. He looked and sounded so great! His lungs were clear, his color was great. He was “pink” from the beginning. Clementine came in and saw me holding the baby and pointed out, “The baby’s crying. Maybe he wants mama milk?” It was so so sweet! Xavier also woke up and came to see what was going on. He saw the baby on my chest and both kids showed excitement about the baby being here. It was a sweet moment. I only wish that Spencer could have been more a part of the moment rather than being on the phone with the paramedics—but I understand that the dispatcher wants to keep you on the phone until paramedics arrive.  

Anyway, the paramedics came, Xavier got the door. They came upstairs and clamped the cord. Spencer, with their help, cut the umbilical cord. 

He is pure sweetness—all 8lbs 13.4ozs of him!

Timeline log, taken from emails sent to Spencer when he was sleeping:

5:43 am – Been laying for 30 minutes. Can’t go back to sleep.

5:45 am – respond to txt from Tennille

5:59 am – I’m considering if the light pain in my abdomen will go away with food.

6:02 am – Email Spencer, “It's like, one mild contraction after another.”

6:10 am – Email, “Ok.  More intensity. This may be it.”

6:23 am – Email, “K.  Time for you to get up.  This is it.”

6:33 am – Email, “I need you NOW!” (and I came upstairs to get him.”

7:11 Baby born.
7:55 Ambulance leaves. Traffic sucks.
8:06 First latch ( at Four Corners)

Simply perfect! Now to pick out the perfect name…

J'aime Skype

With Cherry & Xavier off adventuring in Idaho for 10 days the house feels rather empty. It's amazing what a boost it is to see her though, even if it's only virtually. Skype might just be one of the greatest things ever invented for bridging distances. Talking on the phone isn't nearly as rich as actually being able to see.

Xavier, like many kids, doesn't particularly understand speakerphone yet, but pull up my voice and image on the screen and suddenly you get this:

He's watching me, playing gleefully and just being adorable. When I call out, "Xavier, Je t'aime!" his face lights up even more.

He recognizes me and that I'm talking to him! And hopefully he knows what is more important: that even from over 2,000 miles away, I love him dearly.

I've had a good day, but this is by far the highlight.